The sociopath’s rape by deception

I’m angry – period.  I am tired of people telling me that I need to “get over it” because Luc is baby boy’s biological father.  In that vein, I guess rape victims should just “get over it” too?  People who have been physically abused should just “get over it”?  If Luc had jumped out of the bushes and raped me or punched me in the face every single day I had contact with him, would he STILL be allowed to have the same parental rights?  I endured psychological abuse on a daily basis from Luc for over a year.  In addition, the man completely lied and deceived me.

My son was the product of a lie – a con.  I consented to have sex with a man who doesn’t exist and who never existed.  Is this a form of rape?  If I didn’t consent to have sex with THIS man, is this rape?  While I was not dragged behind a bush and raped in the typically accepted sense, I certainly feel raped.  He raped my soul and the court is endorsing him and allowing him to continue to rape me and now my baby boy.

So why do I bring this up?  Well, the courts don’t recognize this form of rape.  The judge in my court case had no words for me other than, “you CHOSE to have a child with this man, so you will have to deal with him for the next 18 years.”  Would the judge tell a woman who has had a child from a rape that she has to “deal with” the rapist because she got raped by him?

According to Wikipedia, there are several types of rape.  The one that applies here is “Rape by deception” which holds the following definition:  Rape by deception occurs when the perpetrator gains the victim’s consent through fraud.

I feel like I have been stabbed outside of a police station.  Instead of arresting Luc for stabbing me, the police have arrested me for bleeding on Luc’s shoes.


  1. Christine says:

    It is rape and I feel the way you do. We consented to have sex with them because we were defrauded by them. It’s not much different than a date rape by someone the victim trusted. Sadly, I think too many people look at us as guilty for having been “so dumb” to believe the rapist.

    • cappuccinoqueen says:

      Yes, I am sick of people blaming me for being fooled by the con man. Nobody likes to believe that it could happen to them. It makes them feel better to look at us and cast judgement. Thanks for your comments. :)

      • Christine says:

        Just wanted to add that your blog is great. Thank you for saying everything so clearly and sharing your experience. It will help many people.

    • A Married man did this to me recently.Lied to me to get sex.It depressed me badly.
      Rape by deception is a crime in which the perpetrator has the victim’s sexual consent and compliance, but gains it through deception or fraudulent statements or actions.
      The act—known in Tennessee and California as rape by fraud[1]—is recognised in few jurisdictions.
      Contents [hide]
      1 Notable cases
      1.1 United States
      1.2 Israel
      2 References
      Notable cases[edit source | editbeta]

      United States[edit source | editbeta]
      In 2008, it was reported that a Massachusetts woman unknowingly had sex with her boyfriend’s brother in the dark basement that she was sleeping in. He could not be prosecuted, because Massachusetts law then required that rape include the use of force.[1][2]
      Israel[edit source | editbeta]
      In 2010, a conviction of rape by deception drew international attention when it was first reported that a man deceived a woman into consensual sex within ten minutes of their first meeting by lying by omission about being Jewish and unmarried. This case was a plea bargain in which the records were sealed by the judge to protect the identity of the victim and avoid the cross-examination of her. The sex was consensual according to one of the judges.[3][4]
      Sabbar Kashur, a Palestinian Muslim, accepted a plea bargain and an 18-month sentence on the reduced charge of rape by deception in 2010 after a period of incarceration and house arrest. After Israel was widely condemned in the international press,[5] due to perceived anti-Arab racism in the conviction, the judge unsealed the records to show that this had in fact been a plea bargain, in a case in which Kashur was originally charged with violent rape of a Jewish woman allegedly left bruised in an apartment building stairway.[4] The court sent the victim to a mental hospital for treatment and convicted Kashur on the lesser charge.[3] Prosecutors agreed to the plea bargain in order to spare the woman a long cross-examination that might undermine her evidence.[4] In 2012 the sentence was cut to 9 months by the Supreme Court.[6]
      References[edit source | editbeta]

      ^ a b “Rape ‘by Deception’ May Become A Crime In Massachusetts”. CBS News. 2008-02-29. Retrieved 24 April 2011.
      ^ If Your Neighbor Poses as Your Husband, Is it Rape?
      ^ a b “Arab rape-by-deception charge ‘was result of plea bargain’” Rachel Shabi, September 8, 2010, The Guardian.
      ^ a b c “Unravelling the Israeli Arab ‘rape by deception’ case” Dina Newman, September 17, 2010, BBC.
      ^ Arab guilty of rape after consensual sex with Jew July 21, 2010, The Guardian.
      ^ Paraszczuk, Joanna (January 27, 2012). “Court cuts Arab-Israeli rape-by-deception sentence”. The Jerusalem Post. Retrieved August 23, 2012.

      Flag of United StatesJustice icon This article relating to law in the United States, or its constituent jurisdictions is a stub. You can help Wikipedia by expanding it.
      Stub icon This article about a criminal law topic is a stub. You can help Wikipedia by expanding it.
      Categories: Rape in the United StatesRape in IsraelDeceptionSex laws

  2. After reading your blog, (coming from Lovefraud), wanted to say thank you for your insight! I agree with Christine, “It is rape and I feel the way you do. We consented to have sex with them because we were defrauded by them. It’s not much different than a date rape by someone the victim trusted. Sadly, I think too many people look at us as guilty for having been “so dumb” to believe the rapist.” I AGREE! Was floored when I read: The Spath’s rape by deception! Your blog here, CONFIRMED to me, all the ugly emotions, and all the pain that I have been experiencing in these last several months! Thank you soooo very much! Here is my story at Lovefraud;

    • cappuccinoqueen says:

      Thanks for commenting. I read your story before you posted it here. Like others, your story sent shivers down my spine. After hearing so many people tell me about the horrors in the church, I fully believe these people hide in the church because good christian people make great targets for them. I hope that you find the strength to get out of this terrible situation. No matter what – life is better on the other side when you’re out of the clutches of a madman. Stay safe! You have my support. :)

  3. Thanks again, cappuccinoqueen….:)

  4. burning deepseated rage says:

    Yes i can totally relate. I was married to a sociopath rapist liar. My whole marriage was a fraud.i had 3 kids.i went to a private school and didnt even know people like him existed in the world. I was always very happy and generous. As time went on and there was problem after problem i got counseling. I wanred a divorce he said hed make me miserable turn my kids against me and get people to gang up to make me out to be an unfit mother
    I worked went to school and what i really loved the most in the world was my kids and having our family.but he wanted me to pay him child support! So i told him i didnt love him and i wasnt happy being married to him at all. I said im going to move on and probly look for another man to share life with. Well he raped me saying he was drunk and he didnt mean it and he was sorry. Then when i was at work he went through all our belongings. He took anything of value out oc the house without me knowing. He even took things that were mine from childhood. And things that belonged to our kids. He took all the photos of them growing up and all the memories so i wouldnt have any. Then one day he took the kids to school and came back and raped me again. When he got done terrorizing me he got up and went in the kitchen and made something to eat like nothing was wrong. Thats when i knew for surehe had no regard for me my life or my body or anything. I knew i couldnt stay with him at all any more. That he was dangerous and i was really scared.i was in fear for my life. So i got really brave and i called the cops . I told them everything about him stalking me and terrorizing me and trying to make my life miserable and turn my kids against me and our friends too. Telling his family that i was crazy anx telling my kids not to trust me. So he had to go to prison for 5 years. And im not sorry i told the truth because the truth set me free

    • cappuccinoqueen says:

      Yes, the private school thing…me too. These type of people love sheltered, naive, and kind people like us. I think we must have signs on our foreheads or something. I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I am, however, happy that your ex went to jail. That’s one less psychopath on the street. I also hope that by the time he gets out you can be long gone. Five years isn’t a long time.

  5. People who think they can see a psychopath coming and cannot be conned are naive. It is always easier to see them for who they are when you are not the target or in the aftermath when you are viewing the destruction. The lesson to be learned is that there are people amongst us who are disordered,but don’t appear so. (i.e. Bundy) And ANYONE can be there victim.

  6. Thank you.
    This is an amazingly accurate description of how I felt when I found what my ex was. I know people thought I was crazy because I kept saying, over and over, “I feel like I’ve been raped. I would have never consented to have sex with THIS person.” The person with whom I agreed to have sex never existed.

  7. Christine says:

    Ginger, I relate so much to what you say. I used to tell him (the monster) and anyone who would listen that I would never have even gone on a date with him had I known who he really was. I don’t think anyone can really understand how “raped” you feel when you find out the person you trusted with your life, your body, your emotions, your heart, was a FRAUD, and you gave yourself so freely because you did not know.

  8. I am so glad to find someone who had the same emotional feelings I had after I was deceived. I was with a man for three years in which he lied to me about being divorced. Not only did he steal something from me by being intimate with him, he took money from me too. Yes I consented to both, but I consented to a different man. This man never had any intention of becoming my “life partner”, as he called it. How could he, he was a married man!
    When I tried to figure all this out by trying to contact him, I was slapped with a peace order. I tried to fight it in court, explaining what he did, and being that he lived 2 hours away, impossible for me to have harassed him. Judge told me that he believed I was harassing him because I was a jilted woman and recommended I go to therapy. This is the type of judicial system we have. All I can get my attorneys to say is, ” move on, let him go he is a jerk” ! Thanks but I didn’t need them to tell me that. . He violated me, and made me feel dirty and cheap. Based on his lies, he took my right to say no,, I was not forced by him, but no different when he lied about who he was. . Call it what you want, but it truly is “rape by deception”. I hope this law gets passed in every state. Once it does, I will be first one in line to file charges against him.

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