Baby Boy’s name is Prince. We had Prince’s funeral tonight. I still feel very numb. I wasn’t sure how I would feel about seeing him in the casket, but I am very glad I made the decision to do so. I went in alone at first. I read him his favorite book, “Oh Baby, Go Baby” by Dr. Seuss.
I cried and placed my hand on his chest. He was so cold, and he didn’t look like himself. He did, however, look peaceful. The way I saw him in the hospital was so horribly traumatic that it felt a bit like closure to see him there in his baptism suit. He looked a lot older than 15 months. He was a wise toddler though. My little guardian angel had come to do a job and it was like his job was done and he was returning to God.
I haven’t always been a religious person. I have always believed in God, but after my son’s death I feel somehow closer to God. Prince came into this world for a reason. The church tonight was filled with people who loved him and it was obvious that he had made a huge impact on this world. To me, though, he made the biggest impact one could ever make. He taught me about true love, what passion really feels like, how to laugh, how to smile just because, and also about incredible loss. That little man made me so happy.
Tonight, my mind is going in a million directions. I feel such incredible pain, but I also feel hopeful that I will be able to carry out the mission Prince was sent to this earth to accomplish. I am not sure yet what our mission entails, but I do know that little Prince lives on inside of me and I owe it to him to be a more extraordinary woman than I had originally set out to be. I didn’t fully appreciate life before my son came into this world. His life was so short, but it was so important.
Tomorrow I will bury my son. That is the most unnatural and terrible thing that a parent could ever be asked to do. I will, however, rise to the occasion because he is my son and I owe him strength. Prince was wise beyond his age. He taught me to love with my whole heart and for that I will forever be thankful.
Mama misses you more than you will ever know little man. God has welcomed you home son. Please wait for Mama. I will join you someday in heaven and we will continue our journey together.