“True peace is not merely the absence of tension: it is the presence of justice.” – Martin Luther King Jr.
Over the past two years, there have been many moments in which I have been ashamed of my country. I grew up believing that if I was an honest person, who worked hard to positively contribute to society, I would always be able to turn to our justice system for help in dangerous times. When I needed help, however, the justice system was not there for me. The justice system allowed my sister to be assaulted and for the criminal who assaulted her to walk free, for me to be falsely arrested instead of protected from my abuser, for the Family Courts to ignore the dangerousness of my son’s father, and for several public servants to place my son in the hands of a disordered man who I believe murdered my 15 month old baby boy. I have lived a nightmare since the day Luc walked into my life. This nightmare reached epic proportions the day I left him, and since my son’s death has reached the unimaginable.
I am not alone in my quest for peace. Every person (man or woman) who has found themselves in the grip of a psychopath comes to a point when they also crave peace. As MLK Jr. stated so eloquently, peace does not only come with the absence of tension. To a large degree, the tension I had with Luc no longer exists – Prince is gone and Luc has no more control over the person I cared most for in life – my son. The tension was also reduced the day I realized that Luc was a lost cause, and that I truly didn’t care what happened to him (beyond justice for my son). Though I will never again be in family court with this demon, it is impossible to truly have peace until justice is served. While many men and women who have dealt with a psychopath may never receive the justice they deserve, today me and my son received a part of justice I feared may never come – Lucifer was arrested this morning.
The medical examiner report ruled my son’s death a homicide and that he was drowned. Since my son was only 15 months old, Lucifer could be facing capital murder charges and the death penalty.
This piece of justice feels bitter sweet. Had the justice system been there for us before now, my son would be here to celebrate this moment with me. I am not sure that I will ever be able to forgive my country for the terrible injustices that led to the death of my son. I am not sure if I will ever forgive myself for following the law and waiting for justice my son would not live long enough to see. That being said, I realize that if I sit back and merely complain without attempting to change the system – I become part of the problem. When I read the words of MLK Jr., and think about the incredible legacy that he left behind, I feel hopeful. While many of the injustices he felt during his lifetime have improved, it was not without struggle. Right now, we are facing new injustices and new problems. We are facing a crisis directed at our children. It has become part of my legacy (and the legacy of my son Prince) to see to it that no other child faces the same fate and no other mother will have to bury her son in this way.
One of the most vivid memories I have of my son happened on one summer day (a few short months before he died) when I was dancing with him up and down the driveway in front of our house. I looked into his beautiful brown eyes and asked, “Are you going to dance with Mama on your wedding day Mr. Prince?” Prince was laughing hysterically as I spun him around in circles to the silent music both of us imagined. While my son was not verbal, if he could talk his answer would have been “No”. It would have been “no” because Prince would never have a wedding day. He would never be old enough to get married, and we would never again dance together. I tell this story not to ask for pity, but to ask for your help in finding the justice my son, and every child, deserves. Justice does not come from one mother screaming at the top of her lungs about what happened to her son – it comes from the power of many. The civil rights movement was not a movement based on the words of one brave man; it was a movement afoot in a country that was tired of living in the shadows of injustice. I am tired of living in a country where the courts allow children to be abused and killed by disordered parents and caregivers. How about you?
Today was a big day for justice, but it was only a piece of the story and a pebble on the path of justice for our children. I have often told you that this blog is not about Lucifer (that is one of the main reasons that I don’t use his true name). Today, however, I want to share a letter with all of my readers that I have written to Luc (but will never send). I imagine this letter could be used over and over again for many woman (and some men too) who have escaped (or hope to escape) a psychopath. I encourage everyone to share their “goodbye letters” in the comments of this post. Say goodbye and good riddance to the psychopath in your life and pledge to have “no contact” with this person in both the physical and in thought. This is the first time I will address Luc – and it will also be the last.
I regret a lot of things in life, but I will never regret leaving you. While we were together, I wrote love letter after love letter – hoping and praying that you would one day prove to me that you were the man I wanted you to be. You never proved anything, because being that man was impossible. You have taken a lot from me, but you have not ruined me. I was strong before I met you, but now you have assisted me in becoming wiser and stronger than I ever believed I could be. Prince was an angel. I have always known that he saved my life, but now I realize that he likely saved many others. Sometimes I think Shawn sent him here to protect her son from you. Maybe your mother Alma sent him so that you would stop killing, conning, leaching, and abusing. Prince’s true mission was one that I will never completely know until I am in heaven along with him.
Today is the beginning of the rest of my life. After this moment, I will begin to forget about you. I will move on, fall in love again, have more children, and one day remember Prince without remembering his unfortunate sperm donor. I am fairly certain that you will remember me forever. You are likely thinking that your current situation is my fault. Don’t be confused Luc, this is part of your disorder. You always said that you wondered if you were being punished for the bad things you had done in a past life (because you didn’t have money, were not a successful singer, or whatever thing you chose to complain about that day). I am here to tell you the honest to God truth – you are being punished for the terrible things you are doing in this life. Everything that is happening to you right now is of your own doing. That very large and angry man who wants to make you his girlfriend (or maybe already has) is sharing that jail cell with you because of what you have done to the people who tried to love you.
You have destroyed everything that could have been good in your life. Now, you have nothing. You have become what you have feared the most – powerless and utterly irrelevant. In jail you will probably still tell stories about how you believe you were in concert with Brittany Spears, Rihanna, or whatever other artist you will claim to personally know at the time. The difference, however, is that now everyone knows how delusional you are so these stories will be nothing more than the stories of a crazy man who sits in prison for the rest of his miserable life.
Enjoy the media attention and the televised trial because it will be the last stage you will perform on. Eventually, you will disappear along with the average news cycle, and nobody will think about you as you rot in jail where you belong. And remember – you are sitting there because of the things you have done. You took Prince’s life after only 15 months. My little boy touched more people in a positive way than you will have in your lifetime. In fact, I would challenge you to find just one person who will admit (after they learn who you really are) that you have touched their life in a positive way.
Good riddance Lucifer. You are finally where you were meant to be – in chains, powerless, and forever in jail.
Truthfully and finally,