If I had a dollar for every time I have seen a mother carrying a baby on her chest, pushing toddler in a stroller, and carrying several bags at the grocery store at the same time, I would be a wealthy woman. This is a common scene amongst mothers, but if I had a dollar for every time I have seen a man in this same situation – well, then I would be on food stamps. When you do see a man in this situation, however, people act like it’s epic. A man carrying his baby on his chest elicits the sort of ogling that you’d expect only from teenage girls on a school yard when the hot dude walks by.
Why is this? Why is it normal and expected for women to parent their children, but considered Godly when a man does the same? Why do we find changing tables in the women’s restroom, but the same tables are noticeably absent from men’s restrooms? Is society trying to tell us that a guy can’t change a diaper?
Those of you who know my story know that calling my ex simply a “deadbeat” Dad would be like calling Mother Teresa just a nice lady. If there were a term for something much worse than a deadbeat – my ex would likely fall more closely into that category. I mention all of the above to say that part of the reason men are the way they are today, part of the reason that many fathers have not evolved beyond cavemen times, is because of the low expectations we as women have for them.
My good friend Doyin, aka Daddy Doin’ Work, is on a mission to change the face of Fatherhood as we know it. You might have heard of books that talk about how to be a good parent (like how to change a diaper). The market is loaded with those types of books. This, however, is the sort of book I wish had been available when I met Lucifer (this is what I call the D bag who killed my son). What is refreshing about what Doyin has to say is a no nonsense kind of guy. He is the first dude to praise the Dads who are doing great things, but he is also the sort of guy who isn’t going to make excuses for the guys who do things that all men should be ashamed of.
I recently wrote a blog about how racism isn’t just a black issue – it’s an everybody issue. I feel the same way about the evolution of fatherhood. This is a conversation that everyone should be having regardless of gender. As a woman, however, I love the idea that Doyin is tackling this issue by speaking to women.
Doyin, congratulations on your book my friend. I applaud you for attempting to raise the bar on fatherhood – the role model you are for your daughters – and your attempts to empower women.